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             Jai Mahavir ji

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Three jewels of Jainism 

 Right Faith (Samyak Darshan
      Right Knowledge (Samyak Gyan

    Right Conduct (Samyak Charita)

which constitu

 

te the path of  salvation

 

 

 

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     Jokes

The truth

The judge asked the criminal, “Now you are in the court of justice. Speak the truth and no the untruth- where does the one who speak the truth go and where does the one who is untruthful
The criminal replied, “The one who tells lies he goes to hell and the one who tells the truth goes to jail.”

God will save me

A man was out sailing at sea in the middle of a storm when a particularly large wave over turned his boat. He fell into the sea and was forced to tread water to stay afloat. He stayed there for several hours until a rescue helicopter flew overhead. A rope was lowered with a lifeguard worker on the end of it. He reached out to grab the man, but being very religious, he said "No thank you. God will save me eventually" The helicopter flew off. After another few hours, a life boat came along, but again the man told them to go away, as God would save him. Eventually, the man died of freezing in the water. As his soul drifted up to the heaven he said to the in charged of heaven "why didn't God save me?" In charged of heaven said, "He sent a rescue helicopter and a lifeboat! What more did you want?"

 

Banta to Santa

"Close the door of the windows please".... I have winter in my nose. Said banta to santa

 

No body home

A girl phoned me the other day and said ....

Come on over, there’s nobody home.

I went over.

Nobody was home

MIRACLE

A young man was introduced to a nurse working in a hospital. He was very taken by her looks and made a pass at her: “you know what? I would like to be hurt in an accident and brought to your hospital so that you could look after me”

The nurse replied: “Sir, it would not be an accident but a miracle. I work in the maternity ward.”

Busy God

An atheist professor was teaching in college and he told the class that he was going to prove that god did not exist. He said," God if you are for real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" ten minutes went by. He kept taunting the God, saying "Here I am God, I am still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 100 kilogram football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said. The football player walked into the class room and in the last minute, hit the professor sending him flying off the platform. The professor got up, obviously shaken, and said "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?" The football player replied, "God was busy; he sent me!"

 Lazy Boy

Once during the rainy season, the guru and his pupil were sleeping. Turning to his side, the guru told his student, “Go outside and see if it is raining.”
The lazy pupil reluctant to get up suggested that he can touch the dog and see. “If the dog is wet it must be raining and if he is dry, it must have stopped raining, “he said.

 
After sometime the guru said, “”Son, will you put off the lights. I am not able to sleep. The light of the lamp is disturbing me,”
Cover your face with your cloth. Then the light will not disturb you and you will be able to sleep well.”
After sometime, a strong gush of wind blew the door open. The teacher said, “Get up! Go, close the door, it is cold.” The pupil, in his sleep, stretched his leg and pushed the door shut. But another gust of wind threw it open again. “Fasten the latch, “said the guru.
“ I have done three jobs, why do you not do one too?” Lethargy is the greatest enemy. This one thing is enough to swerve one away from duty.

Pretty women

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"  

 

Wait a second

One person ask to god:
How much is thousand million$ for you.
God said: just like a penny.

Then he asked:
How much is thousand years for you.
God said: just like a sec.

Man said can you lend me a penny.
Then the God said wait a sec.

The End

 

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